Love Your Fear
I couldn’t sleep last night. Well I did sleep but I had nightmares. I kept having dreams that my kids weren’t safe. In one dream my daughter almost drowned. It was horrible.
I woke up and was actually afraid to go back to sleep. I felt myself shift into a place where I was convinced that if I went back to sleep I’d fall back into those dreams.
Instead of sleep I chose a state of semi- meditation. You know the thing where you say you’re going to meditate but you only half commit to it. It was more of a prayer than anything. I remembered Gabby Bernstein’s prayer and I started repeating it in my head. I surrendered my fear to the universe. I offered it up and thanked the universe for taking my fear. Somewhere in the back of my mind I heard myself say “no give backs.”
It seems I’ve been offering my fear to the universe a lot lately. I feel like every time I’m surrendering that which is holding me back I’m surrendering my fear. Do you ever feel that way? Do you feel your fears holding you? (I’m getting a burning pain in my back as I type this, as if to affirm my fear is present).
Tired and frustrated from this feeling that I’m constantly surrendering my fear in my prayers and meditations I started to picture myself starving my fear. I saw the fear gorging itself on its own babies - on all of the anxieties and mini-fear monsters it’s been creating inside of me for years. It was like seeing Jabba the Hut sitting inside me eating mini Jabbas. To be honest it was kind of gross. I blamed the fear for my weight loss. I wanted to starve the fear so it would shrivel up and die and disappear and stop taking me back to the beginning every day.
Then I stopped. Everything stopped. You know like when you watch a sci-fi movie and there’s time travel and everything just freezes and the hero walks around looking at everyone else frozen in time while he plans how to stop a catastrophe from happening? It was like that inside my brain. My consciousness leapt into action and i heard these words:
“No. Stop. This isn’t right. You need to love your fear. Your fear is a part of you and it wants to know it belongs. Your fear wants you to love it. It’s eating so much because it doesn’t want you to send it away. This is the only home your fear has ever known. It’s yours. Keep it and love it. Sometimes your fear serves you well.”
Every day I put loving my fear, along with all of my emotions, into my meditation practice. Fear has its place. Like a toddler, if left unchecked it will run amok. Also like a toddler, if loved and honored it will bloom as it should.
It seems we’re always asking, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” I think that’s the wrong question. I’m asking, “What would happen in your business and your life if you loved your fear?”
THE USUAL SIGN OFF
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